Holding Space: Understanding Suicidal Ideation Beyond Myths

Those moments when your mind drifts into dark spaces; where thoughts about ending your life surface, sometimes fleeting, but sometimes stewing. Such thoughts are suicidal ideation. Suicidal ideation is not conjured out of thin air. They gradually surface after intense struggles—emotionally, physically and/or financially. Suicidal ideation can be influenced by many factors such as depression, anxiety, trauma, grief, loneliness, or feeling like a burden. These thoughts are a signal of distress. 

These thoughts vary in intensity. For some, it may feel like a fleeting wish to “not exist anymore.” For others, it may involve more persistent and detailed planning. However, it’s important to remember that having suicidal ideation does not always mean someone wants to die. More often, it reflects a deep desire to escape overwhelming emotional pain or circumstances that feel unbearable. In a sense, suicidal ideation is less about wanting life to end, and more about wanting the suffering to stop.

Passive vs. Active Suicidal Ideation

If you know someone who talks about taking their life but are unsure if they intend to follow through or are just venting, here's a quick glance at how you can differentiate it. Either way, they need help. And if you're experiencing these thoughts, irrespective of the intensity, please seek help.

Passive suicidal ideation:

• These are thoughts of not wanting to be alive—wishes to disappear or remarks like “I wouldn’t mind not waking up.”

• There’s usually no specific plan or immediate intent behind them.

• They signal real distress and often come from overwhelming pain, loneliness, or hopelessness.

• Even without a plan, these thoughts deserve care, listening, and early support.

• Reaching out and naming the feeling can reduce shame and open the door to help.

  
  

Active suicidal ideation:

• This involves thinking about suicide with intent or a concrete plan—details about how, when, or where.

• Active ideation carries higher immediate risk and usually needs urgent attention.

• Signs include talking about methods, preparing means, or sudden changes in behaviour (giving things away, goodbyes).

• If someone has active thoughts, don’t leave them alone—seek professional help or emergency support right away.

• Direct, calm questions and compassionate presence make it easier for them to ask for the help they need.

Signs to Look Out For

While suicidal ideation often happens silently, there are signs that may indicate someone is struggling, such as:

• Expressing hopelessness or saying life has no meaning

• Withdrawing from friends, family, or activities they once enjoyed

• Talking about being a burden to others

• Sudden changes in mood—either deep sadness or a surprising calmness after distress

• Increased use of substances or risky behaviors

These signs are not always obvious, which is why creating safe, supportive spaces for honest conversations is so vital.

Myths vs. Truth

 Here are a few common myths about suicidal thoughts. It is important to first clarify these perceptions surrounding suicidal ideation before trying to help someone. These can be more harmful than helpful.

Myth 1 — Talking about suicide will put the idea in someone’s head.

Truth: Open, non-judgmental conversations reduce shame and make it easier for someone to reach out. Asking directly (e.g., “Are you thinking about ending your life?”) gives them permission to be honest and lets you help.

Myth 2 — People who say they’re suicidal just want attention.

Truth: Talking about suicide is usually a distress call and not attention-seeking. Even if someone hopes for connection, that need is real and responding with compassion can be lifesaving.

Myth 3 — If someone really wanted to die, they wouldn’t tell anyone.

Truth: Some people do tell others; some don’t. Silence doesn’t mean low risk. Both those who speak and those who hide their pain deserve care and a chance to be heard.

Myth 4 — Suicidal thoughts are a sign of moral weakness or character failure.

Truth: Suicidal ideation most often arises from intense pain, mental illness, trauma, or life events—not a moral failing. Framing it as an illness or crisis that needs support encourages healing, not shame.

Myth 5 — If someone is calm after being upset, they’re safe now.

Truth: Sudden calm more often than not would mean they have planned to end their life. Check in gently with them in their moments of silence instead of trusting that they're fine.

Myth 6 — We can guilt them into not being suicidal.

Truth: Let's not make it about us. Yes it hurts to see someone we love go through pain. But making them feel guilty is only going to push them away. They already believe they are a burden and this will only cement their belief.

How We Can Help

So how do we help? We can show up for them to the best of our abilities by offer a safe and non-judgmental space. Ask them directly about suicidal thoughts, and take answers seriously (even if you don't believe them). Follow up—small, consistent check-ins remind someone they’re not alone—and approach every conversation with compassion, patience, and practical support. Gently assist the person to connect with a trusted professional, crisis line, or emergency services if you feel like there’s a plan or intent.

P.S.: Here are some helplines in case of emergencies.